Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM VODKA MAN
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
