Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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