i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
