She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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