It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
