I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
