thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
