Got a toothbrush?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
