Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
