How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
