If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
