guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
