I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
