he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
