wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
