I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
