I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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