i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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