maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
