Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
