If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
