You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
