I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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