I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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