I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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