Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she smelled like a LAN party
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
