Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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