Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
