Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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