i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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