I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
