There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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