Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My liver just broke up with me...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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