32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
