I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
