The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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