omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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