I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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