At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
