I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
