so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
