I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Even my vagina gasped.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
