I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we're making bets on your personal life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
