the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
