I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
