the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
