Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
