I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
