im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
