I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
