Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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