Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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