This is not my ceiling
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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